Zombified

3 days consecutively I am awoken by dyaa and emir marathon of cries, inconsolable screams leading to a very frustrated angry and tired me between 11 to 6.

I squeeze their little bodies with a hug just to avoid myself from smacking them there in the middle of the night.

Thoughts of just leaving them to cry it out while I picture myself storming out of the room is still there.

Instead I plead for their dad to soothe them while I shut my eyes and punching everything in my brain.

I think this is borderline dangerous. Help.

Then in the morning we all wake up very tralalala. I don't understand.

Cough cough

Turns out baby girl has rashes all over her body post fever. It was lunchtime at work and I chose to take the rest of day off when nurse called with her spreading rashes.

I had another presentation but told my bosses couldn't make it. Hope it doesn't make me look incompetent.

We both drove off to see her. She was already sleeping so we decided to pick her brother (who happen to be just up from his day nap) first.

When I saw her rashes I exclaimed in surprise/anger/worry. These tiny red army has invaded my baby's beautiful body!

Asked the doctor if she suspected measles as she did just recover from fever couple of days ago. She asked me whether I changed any soap/detergent/cream/milk.

Soap nope. I've always used bumble bees for soap (and talcum) cause they're made out of honey and super for baby skin. It's expensive but I don't use it after baby turns 1 or so,  when their body is less sensitive.

Detergent nope. I use baby organics cause they're not so expensive and soft enough for baby.

Cream interchangeable between lucas papaw (after few months) and earthmamababyangel  baby ointment. 

Milk. Still mine.

Something I ate?  Somewhere we went? Someone we contracted from?

Doctor said could be anything she might be allergic to. Gave me an antifungal and calamine cream supposedly to soothe her skin.

Ha. Mahal mana pun pakai product kalau Tuhan nak test tu kene jugak.

Coincidentally today I don't feel so good so I've been on baby watch at home. She's been in no clothes just plain piece of napkincloth so her skin can breath.

She's still not okay.. I hope it's just rash that hopefully  subsides soon.

Poor baby.

Kiss the bubu

I was preparing for the big afternoon presentation at lunchtime when dyaa's teacher called and told me her temperature running high and she's in sick bay.

I wasn't surprise of the call cause I could feel her body warm the night before and didn't wanna sleep if I put her down so I had to carry her while sleeping.  (Oh but in her case I could steal some sleep. Emir got sick once and he cried most of the night I had to carry him throughout.  I didn't know what else to do so I cried. Then farid took the shift with him constructing pillows around him and somehow could sit and put emir to sleep).

But today is the day I had my presentation! Gosh isn't this when is like a test to those questions Work or family?

I decided to go see dyaa. I grabbed a puff and my phone and keys quickly. When i came she was crying. Her eyes all puffy and red means she's been crying a while.  So i nursed her straightaway and she calmed down. Her body was 37.8c. Made some calls decided to send her home. I had 3 hours left before my presentation. Thank God for long Friday lunchtime.

She was fine and sleeping in the car. Left emir at school cause I don't think at that point of time can care for two kids simultaneously when one is sick. Then went home. Gave her panadol and stuck some cool patch on her forehead. Nursed her. That took an hour half and her body cooled down.

Ha I still had time for zohor and milo. Left her with my maid asleep and went to work. Knew if she was worse I would skip the presentation and made other arrangements. Resented the fact I decided to go even though I reassured myself everything was okay for me to go.

Bla bla bla. Couldn't wait to go back but timely updates from the maid said her body is better. When back home she started to be all smiley. So we decided to grab food cause nobody  (wanted to) cook so went just shop across my house and dinner took one hour (emir main playground dalam restaurant).

Got home this time she was wailing and feverish again. Oh no. Took her and instantly she was quiet. So did the same routine I did. Meds. Nursed. Put her to sleep. 5 mind after she woke up I decided to give to her yan cause I really needed a shower  before everyone go to bed and I dare not wake them up with any water swishing sound. 

When I'm done heard dyaa cried again. Her body not warm. Quiet down instantly when I took her. Her yan said "oooooo nak mama je ye"..

Then I figured. Maybe babies get sick and cry so their MOMS can pay close attention to them? And soothe them. Even when tak mandi or present to management or watching TV at home.   God works that way so no matter what we do as moms,  He gave us the miracles to kiss their bubu and make them feel better.

That explains why I got a lot better when I called my mama didn't even tell her I was upset or no mood (refer to previous post). She didn't have to do anything. Just being there made me feel better.

Yes. Moms are the only one that can kiss our bubus and make our world be better.

Dads just kiss mama's bubus to make her feel better is how you can contribute. I said bubus okay not boobies.  Hahaha

Resentment

This is going to be one of those whiny post. Where I drag my feet walking and make loud sighs and hoping no one talks to me cause I want to be alone eating by myself to put up with myself.

Root cause? Lack of sleep? Due presentation?  I don't know..

Maybe I'm jealous. Of everyone who is all smiley and ready for the world so early in the morning.  On normal days that's usually me.. zombified or not I'm a morning person. Nope not today. If I see my usual self I'd prolly say zip it. 

Don't think I'm mad at the babies. I know there were days I just wish someone could take them off of my hands so I can justtttttttt have a little quiet and me time. No not today,  I kissed and hugged them and carry them on my shoulder shooshing them to sleep or pujuk them when they're cranky.

I'm prolly lost. Or mad at myself. For not knowing what to do to calm emir two nights in a row throwing tantrums and not wanting to eat dinner straight away. (The nursery just switched to a new nap time so he gets sleepy when it's dinnertime). Also mad I dont prepare nutritious food for  pre toddler age. Emir use to love potatoes carrots salmon when it was pureed. Now he wants nasi kosong and sup kosong only. We tried making them really small (all veges meat etc) but he'll throw em out if it's bulky. Sometimes my husband succeeds making him eat more. Sometimes I give up and give him banana and just yoghurt.

And my freestyle breastpump is busted. So i had to use the manual breastpump and that's making me really tired and upset. Takes longer and more effort to ensure i have enough milk for the kids.

So I'm just tired I guess. Just wanna be alone. But i miss my kids.  Just don't have the energy at this moment,  not right now.

18 months 4th week

Hello, Tiara!

You can practically see the light bulb go on when your toddler figures out how to fit the pieces of a puzzle together. Simple puzzles, nesting blocks, and stacking toys not only draw on your child's mental resources, they help hone fine motor skills (which until now have probably taken a backseat to gross motor skills, such as running and climbing). While your toddler will continue to burst with energy, he's probably spending more time sitting still, especially when there's a problem to be solved. 

===>

So every week i get emails from Babycentre. I highly recommend it if you're pregnant or a new mother. I mean, no matter what parenting style you choose,  you are somewhat calmer when an email tells you its normal for a year 3mnth old pre-toddler screaming means "signs of affection" (got this weeks back and laughed it off with their yan.).  I'm sure these emails are valid findings of study on sacrificed infants in some research house somewhere just to validate what peers have already told you "oh normal la tu baby lagi"

So. Emir's motor skills? A lot of climbing and running and swimming and bit of jumping and falling down a lot, yes. The only time he sit still if we feed him his yummy (a.k.a yoghurt). Stacking toys... well I'd rather call it destroying toys. Puzzles. Nope. Oh no. Does that mean my baby is behind ?! *gasp*

Puzzle lesson/tuition it is. Haha.

Why I'm a schedule freak

Usually I wake up at 6am and be ready by 610. Wakes the yan up by (insert sukahati time here) and get the kids diapers changed (if late the maid helps me with one of the baby as I pray/drink milo/yet to put face cream on) before we are out the door usually by 645.

But last night my baby girl decided to roll over. Yeah.

I mean yeay my baby girl knows how to finally roll over! (Actually it's really cute hehe but since she's the second baby I didn't take picture or anything and all I could think of was oh no please jangan roll over and jatuh katil waktu tidur like his brother dulu. Horrible mommy moment.)

Anyway so at 4am dyaa decided to wake up. And roll over. Till 515.

Yes usually the kids wake up multiple times at different hours for different reasons but i could get them back to sleep. Their dad is in charge of shooshing emir cause it could be a domino effect and semua org akan bangun.

So dyaas amazing achievement had resulted in me waking up at 630..... The rest is history. We were stuck in traffic for 1 1/2 hours, with emir trying to wiggle out of his car seat, dyaa want to feed and crazy drivers everywhere being crazy.

Oh I saw taty in her merz.  Kecil ye kl ni.

Sampai nursery 815. Emir just switch to new class so he cried bit.. additional 5 minutes.  Late to work at 835 when I usually clock in by 830.

(I usually reach office 8 and have breakfast plus pump time)
So moral of the story.  Mama wake up by 6 no matter what.

*yawn*

For my babies

So my babies are both infants now, Emir aged 1year months and Dyaa turning 5 months soon.

Emir knows how to say mama and nak and listen to simple instructions like "sit down" (he only listens if we give him yoghurt though).

And Dyaa is starting to roll over now. And laugh! 

Time flies and I realised other than the daily posting pics to my family of them, I don't write down the feelings and anguish and all the craziness in between - for memories.

So it doesn't matter who reads this, I'm writing this for my babies!

Btw it's 945 and the yan has not put emir to sleep yet. I use to put emir to bed by 9 and since dyaa nightly feeding I have little say in making him follow MY schedule.  So annoying. Gotta go call them boys.

Mama Yaya
945 pm